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Amazon Offers Trump Olive Branch: Free Prime For A Month
After Donald Trump criticised Amazon for planning to list the extra tariff cost on their products, the company has rolled back the feature and even offered Trump a rare deal: one month of complimentary...
View ArticleFed Uploads Economy to Minecraft Server, Market Goes Full ‘Chicken Jockey’
In an unprecedented technological mishap, the U.S. Federal Reserve has accidentally uploaded the entire U.S. economy into a public Minecraft server, triggering a cascade of ‘chicken jockey‘ market...
View ArticleQUIZ: How Well Do You Know Crypto?
You might think you know your ETH from your elbow but how do you stack up against everyone else? Keyword: Crypto. Try our quiz below to find out and don’t forget to share your scores on social media...
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Trump Admits To Being Deep State Puppet, “This Is Biden’s Stock Market, Not...
In a revealing Truth Social post, current President Donald J. Trump has admitted that he is in fact a deep state puppet for former President Joe Biden and has been all along. Trump wrote, “This is...
View ArticleBuffett Just Cashed Out $300B Then Retired, Here’s How He Pulled It Off
Warren Buffett, ‘King of the Meats’, has announced his plan to step down from Berkshire Hathaway after over 60 years leading the firm. The investor extraordinaire walks away with over $3000 billion...
View ArticleApple Shifts iPhone Production To India, You’ll Never Guess What Happened Next
BREAKING NEWS: In two completely unrelated coincidences (that are in no way connected to one another), WAR has broken out between India and Pakistan mere days after Apple Inc. announced plans to shift...
View ArticlePalantir Stock Slumps 12% After Everyone Realizes No One Knows What The...
Palantir Technologies Inc. (PLTR) has felt a massive stock slide of 12% after investors took a look at the company’s valuation and realized that they have no idea what the company does or what a...
View ArticlePowell No Longer Invited To Trump’s Birthday BBQ
In a move that has taken things way too far, Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell has been uninvited from Donald Trump’s “Annual Birthday Barbecue Fun Day”. The decision comes amid escalating tensions...
View ArticleUK First Country To Sign Trade Deal With US, Mostly About Beef For Some Reason
The United Kingdom of England (and the other ones) has become the first country to sign a trade agreement with us, the US. A little bit of history for those that don’t know: Britain was once America’s...
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Trump To Reopen Alcatraz Just For SBF and Diddy
El Presidente Donald Trump has announced his plan to reopen San Francisco’s island prison of Alcatraz, but this time with just two inmates, disgraced crypto bro Sam Bankman-Fried and disgraced creepy...
View ArticleUS Cuts Chinese Tariffs By 115% Which Is Impossible Because You Can’t Have...
The United States of America (US) and the United States of China (not us) have reached an agreement to deescalate the trade war and lower tariffs by 115%, which isn’t even possible, even I can tell you...
View ArticleTrump’s Top 5 Negotiation Tips For Winning Saudi Investment
President Donald Trump is in Saudi Arabia for his first overseas trip this term. “That’s an odd choice for your first diplomatic mission,” I hear you say, and you might be right, but as the great...
View ArticleTrump Agrees To Billion-Dollar Saudi Chip Deal, Frito-Lay Stocks Max Out
President Donald Trump announced today a “tremendous, just absolutely delicious” multi-billion-dollar chip deal with Saudi Arabia, not for semiconductors, but for snack chips. Speaking from a hastily...
View ArticleFoot Locker Buys $2.4 Billion Worth Of Dicks
Oh, wait, that’s the other way round. Dick’s Sporting Good Inc. is buying Foot Locker Inc. so I guess it’s more a foot thing, then. Foot Locker stock soared 81% after the announcement, Dicks grew 11.2%...
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Bitcoin To Change Ticker To ATH After Massive Gains
Following numerous successive ‘all-time highs’, Bitcoin ($BTC) has announced plans to permanently change its ticker to $ATH rather than having to write ATH every time. Just to make things easier for...
View ArticleThis Week’s Top 6 Ponzi Schemes To Invest In
‘Sure things’ can be hard to come by these days. Long gone are the days when you could find a sweaty man in a cheap suit on the corner and he’d give you ten sure things for a cheeky kiss. Now, it’s all...
View ArticleTrump Tried This One Simple Trick To Improve America’s Credit Score!
… And it didn’t work! The ratings firm Moody’s has just downgraded the US’s credit rating from AAA to Aa1 (which is worse apparently… even though it looks better imo). As a result, the dollar has slid...
View ArticleTesla Battery Supplier EXPLODES (…18% In Biggest IPO Of The Year)
Electric car batteries get a bad rap for suddenly EXPLODING (scared you there). Well, here’s a car battery that’s MEANT to explode… financially speaking. CATL, China’s Contemporary Amperes Technology...
View ArticleTrump Unveils $25bn Golden Dome, Arrested For Indecent Exposure
To the horror of millions, President Donald Trump has unveiled his ‘golden dome’ live on public television. Trump made the announcement from the Oval Office, saying he was making good on a promise he...
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Bitcoin Reaches ATH, Pizza Now Worth $1bn
Happy Bitcoin Pizza Day, everybody! No, wait… Happy BTC ATH, everybody! It’s that time of year again, yes, rising from the blockchain every May like a crusty phoenix from a wood-fired oven, it’s the...
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