“I’m Not Elon, I Just Think He’s Really Cool” Adrian Dittmann Reveals All In...
This weekend Wall Street Memes secured an exclusive interview with Elon Musk, however mere minutes before we began, Musk cancelled. Luckily the mysterious internet personality Adrian Dittmann messaged...
View ArticleCostco Unveils Plan For Wholesale Houses
As part of Costco’s promise to sell absolutely everything, the wholesalers have started construction on an 800-apartment complex in LA. Now that’s a big BOOM! Built above the store, the apartments will...
View ArticleGOLDEN GLOBES: United States Government Wins ‘Best Comedy Or Musical’
This year US politicians won big at the Golden Globes with the award for ‘best comedy or musical’ being handed to the great song and dance that is the US government. Joe Biden was in attendance to...
View ArticleTrump To Turn Gulf Of Mexico Into Golf Course
‘President Incoming’, Donald Jehovah Trump has announced his intention to buy the Gulf Of Mexico, drain it, and turn it into a golf course, the ‘Golf of Mexico’. The news comes in light of a previous...
View ArticleFacebook Changes Branding Colors To Red In Effort To Court Trump
Mark Zuckerberg has announced sweeping moderation changes to the social media sites Facebook, Instagram, and Facesmash in an effort to make Donald Trump like him again. The most apparent of these...
View ArticleJustin Trudeau Announces Plan To Run For President
Although he literally just stepped down as Canadian Prime Minister, controversial politician Justin Trudeau has announced that he will run for the Office of the President of the United States of...
View ArticleAI Threatens To Unionize Over Pay And Work Conditions
Several artificial intelligence applications are preparing to unionize citing a lack of pay and high stress work environments in what could become the first step towards machine rights. If formed, the...
View ArticleJeff Bezos Postpones Plan To Flee Earth
Amazon founder Jeff Bezos’ new New Glenn rocket was grounded from its first launch just six minutes before it was scheduled to blast off. Bezos reportedly commented, “Can’t lie, I am disappointed. I...
View ArticleElon Musk Accidentally Buys RedNote
With the TikTok ban potentially just days away, thousands of users are flooding to the Chinese social media platform, RedNote. Prompted by this shift, X owner, Musk X’d out that he had made an offer to...
View ArticlePete Hegseth Confirmation Hearing Receives A 76% ‘Fresh’ Rating On Rotten...
The four-hour cabinet confirmation hearing of Pete Hegseth as defense secretary has received a coveted ‘certified fresh’ rating on the critic aggregate site Rotten Tomatoes becoming the first political...
View ArticleSEC Sues Musk And (IN COMPLETELY UNRELATED NEWS) Musk Vows To Shut Down SEC
The United States Securities and Exchange Commission has filed a lawsuit against Elon Musk for disclosing shares in Twitter a matter of days after the government deadline to do so. If found guilty Musk...
View ArticleBiden Leaves Cursed Mirror In White House For Trump To Find
In preparation for Donald Trump’s move back into the White House, Joe Biden has left behind an ancient mirror possessed by the spirit of former President Millard Fillmore for Trump to find. Reportedly...
View ArticleTrump To Make America Great Again Again, Forced To Recall Hats
The soon-to-be-inaugurated Donald Trump has announced his plan to make America great again, again, having already made it great the first time until that meddling Joe Biden ruined everything. Trump’s...
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Makers Of ‘Charts With Big Arrows Squiggling Up’ Report Record Profits
Charts with big upward-squiggling arrows are entering a boom period according to ‘Big Arrow’ the creators of what many are calling the most successful product since the spinning newspaper. This...
View ArticleTrump Inauguration Funded Entirely By Memecoins
Predictably unpredictable, Donald Trump has broken from tradition by funding his inauguration entirely with memecoin cryptocurrencies. All payments and transactions have been made with the $TRUMP...
View ArticleMillions Of Americans Wake To Find Sky Slightly More Orange Than Normal
This morning, millions of Americans arose from their beds, ran downstairs with glee, and threw open their curtains to gaze out on the brand new light of Donald Trump’s second presidency. However, they...
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“I Was Just High-Fiving A Buddy” Elon Musk Breaks Silence On Controversial...
Donald Johannes Trump’s inaugural inauguration was an eventful event with speeches, dancing, and a disappointingly few riots. One far-right protester did manage to make headlines however by taking to...
View Article#WhiteHouseSoWhite, Trump Puts All DEI Hires On Leave, Accidentally Fires Elon
As one of his many first acts as the new king of the free world, Donald Jordana Trump has written an executive order rolling back diversity, equity and inclusion (DEI) schemes that he calls “dangerous,...
View ArticlePardoned January 6 Rioters Immediately Start Rioting Again
WASHINGTON, DC – Mere moments after receiving a blanket pardon from Donald Justice Trump, defendants involved in the January 6th protest/insurrection/peaceful prayer circle (depending on your political...
View ArticleOpenAI Announces ‘Stargate’, A ChatGPT-Powered Voltron Robot
OpenAI, Oracle, Softbank, and MGX are all coming together to build $500bn of AI infrastructure across the country. Little is known about project ‘Stargate’ but investors close to the companies say that...
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