Study Finds That People Who Read Satire Articles Are More Likely to Be Smart...
A new study published in the Journal of Satirical Studies has found that people who read satire articles are likely to be more intelligent, hotter, and probably just all-round better than those who do...
View ArticleChina Declares AI War With DeepSeeking Missile
A NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES! DeepSeek, China’s answer to ChatGPT, is now number one on the App Store, has cut out $1 trillion in US tech stocks, and can spell strawberry correctly. A serious threat...
View ArticleColombian Trade War Averted Thanks To Mark Wahlberg’s ‘Flight Risk’ (2025)
President-again Donald Trump has praised actor Mark Wahlberg, saying that his latest performance in ‘Flight Risk’ (2025) was instrumental in preventing a trade war with Colombia. “So there I was,...
View ArticleTrump Lashes Out At China For Declaring ‘Year Of The Snake’, Declares 2025...
Kung Hei Fat Choi! Or for those of you who don’t speak Spanish, Happy Chinese New Year! Famously, China celebrates New Year’s Day on a different date to America which means that China is technically...
View ArticleLA Man’s Unconventional ‘Help Wanted’ Ads Fail To Hire New Helicopter Pilot
LA, CAL – A local man whose unusual job postings went viral this week says he was ultimately unsuccessful at filling the vacant helicopter pilot position. A man known only as ‘Jose’ is said to be...
View ArticleMelania’s Christmas Budget Uncertain Following Trump Spending Freeze
The President-that-ever-was Donald Jay Trump has ordered a federal spending freeze throwing government programs into question. Some are important, sure, but none are more important than Melania Trump’s...
View ArticleTrump Media Accidentally Invests $250m In Crypto, Meant To Say ‘Cryo’ Instead
BREAKING NEWS! Donald Trump has announced that his recent announcement that he announced that he would be announcing a $250m spending increase in crypto projects through his Trump Media company was in...
View ArticleArea Man Discovers Fountain of Youth, Realizes He’s Still Boring
It was a day like any other, local 46-year-old Gerald Jorkins was hiking in the woods behind his house but then he stumbled open something unexpected. “I couldn’t believe it,” explained Mr. Jorkins in...
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Grammys To Implement Strict Dress Code Following Hypothermia Outbreak
Following four hypothermia-related fatalities at this year’s Grammys, the Recording Academy has announced that they will be implementing a strict dress code for next year’s award ceremony. “We are...
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Trump Starts Trade War, Gets Barred From Family Catan Night
It’s Trade-War Tuesdays at Trump Tower, or as lay people might describe it, ‘family board game night’. For the Trumps there’s only one board game in town and that’s the king of cutthroat capitalistic...
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Trump Announces New Golf Course
Continuing the expansion of the Trump real estate empire, the ‘yes-it’s-only-been-two-weeks-President’ Donald Trump has announced a new golf course in the Gaza Strip. The new course will add to Trump’s...
View ArticleMusk To Shut Down USAID, “I Don’t Think Anyone Should Have AIDS”
The fate of the unfortunately named, United States Agency for International Development (USAID) remains in the balance however quadillionaire Elon Musk has come out in opposition to the department...
View ArticleJD Vance Discovered Living Under Rock For A Month
Supposed Vice-President Johnathan ‘Deere’ Vance was finally found this week after a nationwide manhunt. The famed author of Netflix’s 2020 hit movie ‘Hillbilly Elegy’ starring Amy Adams, Glenn Close,...
View ArticleElmo Accidentally Encased In Concrete In Latest Sesame Street Expansion
Beloved Sesame Street character Elmo found himself accidentally encased in concrete during the latest expansion of the iconic children’s television show location. The incident, which occurred during a...
View Article“Pace Yourself” Worried Doctors Strongly Advise Trump
The President’s personal physician, Dr. Cabzo Eirangily has warned Donald Trump that, should he continue working at his current pace, he could die in a matter of minutes. “As President Trump’s second...
View ArticleSoda Cans To Become 25% Smaller Following Trump Tariff
President-Of-The-Hour Donald Jeffery Trump has announced a 25% import tariff on any steel and aluminum entering the United States forcing beverage companies to reduce their soda can size by at least...
View ArticleAny Sort Of Bowl, Super Or Otherwise, Fails To Make Appearance For 59th Year...
Bowl fans nationwide were confused and frightened to discover that once again no bowl was featured during the Super Bowl. “I’m disgusted. I vomited into this bowl I always carry with me,” commented...
View ArticleElon Musk Makes Compelling New Offer For OpenAI: “I’ll Leave You Alone”
After OpenAI CEO Sam Altman refused Elon Musk’s offer of $97.4bn, the world’s richest man made a compelling counteroffer: “I’ll leave you alone forever, I won’t Tweet, and I won’t show up at your door...
View ArticleGoogle Maps Crashes Under Sheer Volume Of Border Changes
Google’s map app, ‘Google Maps’ has reported global outages following the overwhelming number of border changes implemented by President Donald Trump. The changes began with the rebranding of the Gulf...
View ArticleLocal Man Regrets Spending $50 Million On Condoms, “I Might Have...
GAZA, MOZAMBIQUE – A local man (local if you live in Gaza, Mozambique) has expressed his regret after spending $50 million of US government aid entirely on contraceptives for himself. Eduardo Guardo,...
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